The Paradox of Protection: Why 'Not Feeling' Keeps Us Stuck
We often think that by pushing a difficult feeling away—by numbing out, distracting ourselves, or simply "getting on with it"—we are keeping ourselves safe. Our systems are incredibly clever; they developed these survival strategies to help us endure things that, at the time, felt too big to handle.
But here is the shift: What we instinctually push away is exactly what remains stuck.
When we avoid a feeling, it doesn't just disappear. It goes "underground," storing itself in the tissues of your body and the deep, survival-based tracks of your brain. It stays there, on guard, waiting to be processed. This is why you can feel "stuck" or exhausted for years—your system is using an immense amount of energy just to keep that door shut.
"Will Feeling This Break Me?"
The most common fear I hear is: "If I actually go there, I’m afraid I won’t be able to come back." In somatic therapy, we respect that fear. We don't just "dive into the deep end." Instead, we work with the body to slowly crack that door open in a way that feels manageable and, most importantly, safe.
What a Session Actually Looks Like
If you were to sit in the room with me, we wouldn't just talk about the "story" of what happened. We would listen to how your body is telling that story right now.
Noticing the "Bracing": Instead of dissecting a memory, we might notice how your chest tightens as you speak. We stay with that tightness with curiosity and gentleness. We aren't trying to "fix" it; we are finally giving it the attention it has been asking for.
Finding the "Safe Harbour": Before we look at the hard stuff, we find a "resource" in your body—a place that feels neutral, grounded, or strong. This is your home base. If things feel too intense, we return here.
Titrating the Experience: We work "one drop at a time." By allowing just a small amount of the feeling to be felt, your nervous system begins to learn that it can survive the sensation.
It is in this precise moment of gentle, supported feeling that the transformation happens. The energy that was used to "push away" is finally released, allowing your system to reorganise. We aren’t just revisiting the past; we are changing how your body responds to it in the here and now.
Nikki Lucas is a Psychotherapist and Somatic Specialist based in Adelaide, South Australia. Holding a Master of Counselling and Psychotherapy, Nikki has an extensive clinical background in trauma recovery and nervous system regulation. Her work integrates two decades of body-centred wisdom with advanced neurobiological modalities—including DBR, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and Havening—to help clients resolve 'stuck' patterns at the physiological root.
